all it takes

is one good friend. to boost your day from average into amazing. woke up late. went to work. randi showed up. hey lets go see scott pilgrim for the fourth time. oooookay!
laughing ensued.
sat in a photobooth for just over a half hour, mooning cameras and kissing shoes. realizing that maybe i need a haircut. talking in depth and realizing we have all the time in the world.
dear ms. randi nicole, i love you.

last night

i had a dream that someone stole my 1940 remington.
i was so broken up about it i spent the rest of the dream searching for it on sandy beaches.
and i was so incredibly happy when i woke up to find it on the table next to me.

good things; therapy.

let's consider
a change of scenery
its getting boring
by the sea.

pictures.

i finished my kitty painting! i absolutely love it. the man who did the original, he said he wanted to capture not the animal itself, but the soul of the animal. cats are so graceful and feminine. calm and sweet. i love this picture so much, and i cant wait to frame it and hang it next to my bed.

some flowers i found in arcada. i fell in love.

leaves in my coffee, for the ride home.

i would make the drive again, just to eat at this cafe. <3 mm.

runaways? organic mint teas from the farmers market and herb omlettes with hashbrowns.
i understand why people drift here. no wal-marts. no mcdonalds. things that actually matter.
and a kitty painting to hang on my wall.

fool me once, shame on you;
fool me twice, shame on me.

you know whats awesome? when you try your hardest, cry your eyes out, and get your heart trampled on, all in front of your ex's entire family and strangers in a hospital lobby.
you know whats even better? when that's not enough, he posts the entire ordeal as his facebook status so everyone knows how your heart got broken and how you were publicly humiliated.
yup. thats the life.
what happened to the amazing, considerate, sensitive boy i dated? he, apparently is not around anymore.

despicable.

small things keep happening alongside the big things, just to keep me in check. terrible, sad, lonely morning. me, alone. painting a lonely sleepy kitty on some canvas. reds/yellows/blues. ohhhhh the blues. pillows. pinks. eyes shut. calming.

therapy.

still feeling sad, lonely, on an island. dear grandmother takes me to lunch.

she talks about family. she asks questions. takes me to my first ever 3D movie. a sweet

little movie. despicable me. and afterwards, i want to adopt children, and become a little sinister.

i want to steal the moon.

lightening storm.

i want things to be okay. truly. making it happen, seems a little impossible at the moment, but i know it'll happen.

dreamer of dreams.

the past two nights i've had the strangest dreams and when i wake up, i remember every detail. the night before last, i dreamed i was in a school. a dark and dreary school that appeared to be underground. a very large school, like a maze. I was a member of two clubs at school, a music club as well as a political one. where my dream started, i was in the music club when all of a sudden, bullets started flying through the walls, like an army was outside. we all ducked under desks and on the floor until the shots stopped flying. terrified and confused, we went into the next room to see who had done it. it was the political club. they don't like music. maybe they dont like me. they want me to join them. but i also have friends in music club. the music club tries to resolve the problem peacefully. the political group results to violence to get their point across. it works. they win. after this, my dream cuts to a different scene, like a movie, where things are peaceful between the two groups and everyone is friends.
then, last night, i dreamed my friend shirley and i were going to see a show. (i think a comedy/play?). the entire dream we were driving around in my dads truck for some reason, through very small cobblestone streets wondering where the show was, and where to park. we wore sunglasses and happened upon a very large parking garage where we left not the truck, but a pair of sunglasses, in a parking stall next to two girls drinking coffee. we walked back out of the parking garage because the truck had disappeared for some reason. the show was a block away. i went. shirley didnt. she began to walk downhill and i went uphill. i sat down in the theater by myself. it was hot inside and i didnt know anyone. i left to look for shirley and found her downhill outside a bakery. i told her to come with me to the show because it was going to start soon. we began walking uphill. the hill never ended but the dream did. it was an entire dream of trying to get to a show that would never play, i never actually found out what the show was.
i don't understand, but at the same time i do. freud said dreams are your unconscious revealing itself. why my unconscious is so jumbled up is anyones guess. i dont think its actually unconscious, if my consciousness feels the same way all the time.