bang bang.

i guess i'm not the only one who's had an off last few days. just off. weird. something doesn't feel right. it's not just me.

bad luck.

i remember you; and me. happy-go-lucky. not even expecting a thing.
art ball.
that was honestly, ....honestly, the best night of my life. best evening. best date. perhaps the night i fell for you. hard.
you showing up at my doorstep in a lavender-pin-striped suit. saying i looked beautiful.
we both knew i was on my period.
feeling like a fat cow. maybe hot flashes. insecurity. feeling ugly.
but you, you said i was the most beautiful woman you've ever seen; that night.
in a borrowed dress from the gap, and a feather in my hair.
eating at the trolley explaining that eating salads is more awkward than it should be when the lettuce is cut into large pieces. please don't look at me while i shove rabbit food in my face.
but we laugh. those awkward i-hardly-know-you-but-i-like-you laughs.
you took my hand and danced with me to cha-cha music in the background;
explained foreign art characteristics;
held my hand;
stole my heart;
drove me downtown to grab a root-beer float and let me wear your jacket in the chill of still-april air;
drove me home all the while telling me i'm beautiful;
took a walk with me around my block, kissing me softly; still telling me i'm beautiful.
me blushing. insanely blushing.
this nerdy incredible beautiful funny boy with hair longer than mine; that always smells like coconut.

and here i sit. alone again. the art ball in two days. no way it will compare. my heart aches. i don't want to go alone; not without you. i'm alive again with salty eyes just wishing for a moment we could be in love again. how silly i am. living in a dream. silly silly me. a silly impossible dream.
i miss you.