completely and utterly............lost.

i'm not sure what to think about anything. anything at all. its like i go through these cycles of needing people, and then hating myself for being needy and i want to cut off all contact just to prove to myself i dont need anyone but me. but then one part of me is horribly afraid of loneliness. i want to change majors but i feel like its one of those things that if i say it aloud too many times somehow it wont come true. and maybe the situation with the one you completely adore is completely less than perfect and maybe you wish it just didnt even exist just to take the stress off. maybe i just wish things would go my way for a second. actually have the deck shuffled to turn up in my favor. i feel a little out of luck lately. in basically all of my situations. i'm exhausted. whats a girl to do?

i suppose....something impulsive; and illegal...

but you didnt hear it from me.